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| Egypt to become the 51st state of USA Day 16 of the Egiptian protest seems promising | Confessions of an unstable Editor-In-Chief: HELP! |
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.nightlife .religion .untrue .politcs .perks .presidents .paranormal .ititches
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Egypt to become the 51st state of USA Day 16 of the Egiptian protest seems promising
Confessions of an unstable Editor-In-Chief: HELP!
.nightlife.religion.untrue.politcs.perks.presidents.paranormal.ititches
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Author name: Siim Einfeldt
Occupation: Ruler of the worlds Author trustabiliy: Author is not very trustworthy Bonk something: Blah blah yee . untrue
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Hot news: Naked burning shemale flew out the windowTIMBUKTU, Dec 13th - "Last night, a car bomb exploded in front of the Timbuktu embassy in Chikata Rabula neighbourhood. No survivors, just meat..." That's how this story could start. However, as journalists we can't always be glad enough to find real selling stories. Man has to do what man has to do. When the magazine space needs filling, we will even tell you about the non-celebrity freak gossip. The following is one of them. Based on a true story. Of course, when before have journalists lied? “It was just horrible!” said Harry Twohooter after seeing a burning naked shemale flying out the 20th floor of his hotel. “We just kept staring and staring until he was down and then we returned to the champagne table." For Harry, it was a day like any other. He makes a living with it – with made-up stories, I mean. He is a seasoned journalist who has written for major publications around the world - Timbuktu, USA, Atlantis, Waterworld. You name it, he's got it. The years of experience have given him something that many new journalists don't have yet – insight and knowledge about HOW to write stories. What the stories mainly consist of and, most importantly, what sells and what doesn't. He came to this business in 1989 to see 'the other side' of the media. Now he is considered one of the most knowledgeable guys in this field. To prove it, he has quit writing usual news stories and taken up the new side of the business – writing fake stories. His editors don't know about it - yet! The story I'm about to tell you about, was written years back and it made to the articles all-time TOP 10! It was entitled, “Bush Shall Not Kill Kerry,” which talked about the torture of Senator Kerry just before he said he will NOT contest the results of the elections.  The break-up of the two high school mates had not been too friendly. Young Bush had run away with another boy and now Kerry thought it was good time for payback. However, as it turned out, Bush really did want to become the president. He didn't run for office just to show off as Kerry had thought at first. That's the moment when things caught fire. If you watched the three presidential debates then you know exactly what I am talking about. Bush explained what kind of a great man he is and Kerry tried to prove that he's more of a man than Bush. And so the debates went on. Kerry was always a bit better. On Election Day the unofficial votes showed that Kerry might win. This came as a shock to 'Boy George.' He didn't know what to do and he decided to talk to his advisers. They had always given him good advice during his first term, as they did now. They suggested that they torture Kerry until he securely transferred some of his votes to Bush. However, Kerry didn't break. They pinched him, they called him bad names, they made him listen to Backstreet Boys, but nothing - nothing - happened. No results whatsoever. Kerry really was a better man than Arnie, and Bush finally understood. George realized that many long-long years ago he had made a terrible mistake. Kerry made the vote-transfer, said publicly that he doesn't have any objections against the voting results, and Bush won the election.That's how the story goes. Harry Twohooter won the best journalist of the year prize and America was again richer by one good political story. Still, you and me, we both know that this story isn't true - it's just the imagination of Harry Twohooter. How can the American public not see that? How did the editorial board of Washington Post fall for it? Why did Bush not say anything to refute these accusations? Why didn't Kerry say “For God's sake, I'm NOT GAY! ”? I asked Harry and after hearing his answers – he really is one of the best investigative journalists out there. The American public likes to read good shit. As long as it's well written, interesting to read and includes some celebrity gossip, they are ready to believe it. They like good stories. They are afraid that if they start complaining about the validity of every story making the headlines, there soon would be nothing interesting to read. Editorial boards are only on for the money and that's one story that really sells papers. Bush didn't say anything because he really had changed the voting results (he had casted couple of votes himself). And Kerry? Well, he really is gay and he's been fond of Bush for years. What did the international audience think about this story? According to my knowledge the article was translated into more than 40 languages! Why didn't the Amercian judicial system step in to sentence George to jail for the blackmail type of vote transfer? The people from outside USA have always considered Bush to be quite a freak, so nothing comes as a suprise to them when talking about Bush. As for the judicial system, those members are just all sponsored by Senior George and they can't really afford to lose the extra income. That's it in a nutshell, folks! Harry Twohooter is a man of his own kind. He's one of the best-selling journalists in the world. Now you know why. This is Siim reporting live. Thank you for reading! Note: This article was initially published in The Cheers magazine but we managed to come to a reasonable arrangement with their publisher. We do not support stealing content. Just to mention. Well, stealing ideas is one thing, well, sometimes even shoplifting, but not stealing written content. Hmm, okay, sometimes it's okay even to steal written content but not ... ah, forget it. Tags: crazy story weird article fake news   
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