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Obama is still alive

2009-11-11 07:03:29

United States, the most democratic country in the world, or at least that's what we are made to believe, would end the presidency of its first atheist president silently, probably using a silver bullet. Well, at least that's what I believed when this article was first published couple of years ago. Looking back - I was wrong, which I am pleased to see, but here's the article.

It might sound a bit harsh towards America, but really, can anyone actually imagine someone like Dave Barry as the next president of the United States of America? He's a humor columnist and he has possibly no idea about politics whatsoever. But that's the funniest thing here. American People love him, many Texans would even forget about his knowledge of politics, he's a great guy! I know and I agree. But the thing is, American people would NOT elect Dave Barry as their president simply because he's an Atheist. That's right, he's an atheist, a famous one.

Did you know that over 50% of the Americans are christian? Noooo, I don't think it's that bad, for me it doesn't really matter what a person believes in, but there's just so many blind" believers that it makes me want to lock myself in the basement. We have all heard about the discussions about whether Darwin's theory can be talked about in schools oh come on, big bang or huge creature I'd prefer monkeys over them any time.

These blind christians' believe that I'm not allowed to talk about these things in this way, they also believe I'm going to burn in hell for sure if I don't believe and pray every day.

No jokes about god allowed

In order to prove my point, even though I think we all know I really don't need to, I once wrote an article called We are all aliens, I've got the proof" (which now also appears in The Daily Bonk ) another one of those written after a few shots of tequila and vomiting afterwards for like 3 hours. I really am aware that it's one hell of a lousy article, but to tell the whole truth, after I read the comments it had received, it really made my day. Here are the best ones

"I am not sorry to say that you are a fucked up asshole and GOD will condem you to 100,000 fucked up years in Hell. You cocksucker how could you dare to change the words of the BIBLE. Goodbye and burn in hell." By Al (Topic: You are a cock sucker )

"Bad day editor-in-chief'.GOD will so curse you to hell.I agree with Al.I know you work with satan.Well,may he betray you and may all his demons shit on your satan moble.May your evil ways lead you straight to hell to dance with satan in the never ending fire all night and day long!" by Adam & Even (Topic: BURN IN HELL!)

"what the hell is wrong with you man, are you nutts will you're the biggest asshole i've ever seen and you are dead wrong and you don't make any sense, you are goddamn crazy and how dare you say such a thing about god you are disrespectful and a dirty animal and you're are gonna get burned in hell so hard if you didn't stop saying this bullshit and you'll be tortured for ever for these thoughts you know why? because you are soooooooooooooooooooooo wrong" by Anon

I am "dead wrong" and I don't make any sense, he's 100% correct! But do you really know any normal human being who would start looking for "right sense" in an article published in Humor section with the title "We are all aliens, I've got the proof"? There's got to be something wrong with you mate, get off the drugs! And I thought I'm not normal.

Jesus Farting Christ (I believe, my friends, I have just earned myself another 100,000 fucked up years in Hell, oh well), and yes, the topic still is America, Dave Barry, president, atheism and why they can not have a foursome.

Atheists are not patriots?

I don't think the bible is for fools, everyone needs to believe in SOMETHING but for some reason bible seems to turn many intelligent people into fools. Just like that. They start reading, then interpreting the bible their own way and then believing it's the only possible truth there can ever be.

George Bush (senior) said in August 27 1987 I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God". And the people, the American people didn't really care. The atheist groups did, but not anyone else. Shouldn't this have been the statement nobody should actually like? It's like saying that women should not be considered patriots or that soldiers should not be able to vote. This clearly shows that, if by some miracle an atheist should be able to become a president, he's run in the White House wouldn't last too long.

Minorities in this "god-forsaken" world
In 2006 the researchers of the University of Minnesota conducted a survey which revealed that being an atheist in America is far worse from being a Muslim in America.

The first surprise for me was that they called atheists a minority. Gay people are a minority (at least they used to be couple of years back, now they're a trend), women athletes without breasts are a minority; honest politicians are a minority, but atheists? For me it's really unbelievable. I feel it shouldn't matter what or who people believe in (even in Jesus Christ, yes), at least where's the higher being (or not) concerned. One way or another, the survey revealed that being an atheist in America is far worse from being a Muslim in America. Doesn't that concern you, maybe just a little?

Even Ronald Reagan's son knows he couldn't walk in his dad's footsteps and he should know, right? When asked in an interview with Larry King whether he would ever run for office, he answered: "No, I'm not really cut out to be a politician... I'm an atheist. So there you go right there. I can't be elected to anything because polls all say that people won't elect an atheist."

Obama will he live? (2010 - we now know he does)

Basically the only way for an atheist to ever be elected would be lying. Lying about NOT being an atheist. And for that the president would possibly leave the White House in a coffin after his Chief Of Staff (or anyone else for that matter) found out the awful truth. When to think about it, I'm starting to have some concernes about Obama. His grandfather was a muslim, according to the current standards, that's ok. But his father eventually became an atheist (okay, agnostic, but that's just a nice name for an atheist).

Now, Obama being an atheist muslim (I'd imagine this is a man beating the religious people with the Koran) or at least with Atheist/Muslim background is a really dangerous choice. I mean not for America but for himself. If he's like his father, he's not an atheist but he has the genes to become one. And it's like a ticking bomb ready to explode!

No religion or no christians?

"This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it." - John Adams, U.S. President

I don't necessarily agree with that statement, everyone does need to believe in something, independent of what it is and if it helps you, believe! Well, at least until you start to annoy other people with your belief. Atheists have nothing against religion, neither against many (or ... okay, some) religious people just don't annoy them! Mahatma Gandhi has said it nicely I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" and I really got to agree with that one.

Superstitious morons

Religious people believe that atheists look upon the religious as superstitious morons. I'd like to say - get off the drugs! Christians believe atheists are superstitious morons, same goes for muslims. Muslims think the same about christians and atheists. In some weird reason I believe atheists are the most free-minded people of all. They just don't care what people believe in as long as you don't bother them with your jesus mambo-jambo.

Here are just a few key facts that might complicate things even further for the wannabe atheist president -

  • In September 2007 a school teacher was fired because he said the story of Adam and Eve was a "fairy tale" and it shouldn't be interpreted literally. I'd say the same goes for Darwin's Monkey-To-Man theory, so where's the problem? If a school teacher is being fired for that, what would they do to a president?
  • In God We Trust" is the official U.S. national motto since 1957 and it's been attached to all the coins for a lot longer time. How much do you need to drink to come up with the idea of using something like that on money? It's like getting a tattoo "I love Vladimir" on my butt. While changing it is not necessary (well, the tattoo would definitely need changing) it would definitely create too many discussions and problems for the atheist president, you can be sure of that.
  • One nation under god" in The Pledge of Allience everything in US seems to be connected to god. The Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag stands: "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." The initial version was a lot better I must admit (I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.) but unfortunately in 1954 they changed it to the current version.

And then there's Bush and his delusions like he's able to talk to god. I remember there was a scene in the cartoon "American Dad" where God called Bush to tell him not to use His name in his speeches. From this perspective, an atheist president would have to disappoint a lot of Christians for NOT mentioning His name and rather ask people to work out their s*** themselves.

What did I want to prove? Nothing. Nothing whatsoever. But I did want to make you think a bit, the very least I managed to make you think I'm a moron and that's thinking too.

Note: I feel it is necessary to add that I do not have anything against Americans, neither against Texans, even not religious people of any sort, but I do have issues with stupid people, believers who feel the only right thing to do is to press their belief on everyone else.







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